Ten (Creative Director) Commandments
I) I am the LORD OF CREATIVITY, who brought thee out of the desert, regardless of thine own so-called ‘efforts’. Thou shalt have no other creative directors before Me.
II) Thou shalt not make unto thee any creative ideas of thine own - any likeness of anything that I might possibly ever have thought in the past or might ever, in the future, possibly think of Myself. Thou shalt not bow down to, nor serve, any such ‘ideas'. For I, the LORD OF CREATIVITY, am a jealous soul, visiting the iniquity of My own former creative directors upon thee and all those who are indentured to Me, showing magnanimity to them by passing off their work as Mine.
III) Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD OF CREATIVITY in vain, for thy Lord takes Himself very seriously, and is wracked by deep-seated paranoia and multiple insecurities.
IV) Remember the Sabbath week in Cannes. In it, I shall not do any work for thou, regardless of thy ‘commercial imperative’, on account of the intoxicants and the maidservants. For in this week, the LORD OF CREATIVITY swaggers outwardly, but is inwardly rattled, wondering how He might shoehorn the latest bit of tech that seemed to capture the judges’ attention into thy next campaign, whether it be appropriate or not.
V) Honour My agency colleagues, even though I show open contempt toward them, that they may continue to be My bag carriers and hissy-fit punchbags.
VI) Thou shalt not kill My ideas. (Thou shalt in any event only see them again, during My next Powerpoint presentation).
VII) Thou shalt not commit adultery with other creatives and agencies.
VIII) Thou shalt not steal. (Thou art not a genius. I am the Genius.)
IX) Thou shalt not bear false witness to your knowledge of your business, products, consumers and internal systems being somehow ‘superior’ to Mine.
X) Thou shalt not covet hard ROI, as that is anathema to Me and risks making me look like an ass.
(Feature image courtesy of George Bannister.)