The current climate is putting a lot of pressure on everyone. The impact of the war in Iran, the ongoing threats caused by Russia and China, the cost of living crisis, a government that seems to be on unsteady ground, the double-edged sword of AI (is it a good or bad thing?) ...
Some of your friends and colleagues will be stressed at the moment, no doubt about it. Therefore, it’s incumbent upon all of us to spot those people who are struggling and be able to hold a conversation that helps them open up around their mental health struggles. It’s always better out than in.
Pointers to help you have a more productive conversation
What are the warning signs?
This will differ from person to person. Someone will look and sound like the happiest person in the world but will be suffering underneath. Someone else will be acting as miserably as sin but will be perfectly content with life. My top tip is to look for any deviations against the norm because this may provide you with the surest signal that something is not quite right.
What might they be thinking and feeling?
Before diving in, it‘s worth being aware of the range of emotions that somebody suffering from mental distress might be experiencing. For example, anxiety, fear, shame, embarrassment, confusion, one or all of which could have been brewing for some time. These could all lead to a reluctance to open up.
What’s your first question?
Firstly, always ask a question that encourages somebody to open up, even if you worry that question may lead to you being rebuffed). Better safe than sorry. Secondly, try and avoid a question that will lead to an “I am fine” answer. “You don’t seem to be yourself. What’s bothering you?” is harder hitting than “Are you OK?” And if you do get the “I am fine” response and you don’t think they are, persist, go with your gut. Ask again...and again.
How do you continue the conversation?
As you enter unchartered territory, remember that it’s not your job to find solutions for the person you are helping. You are not a psychologist or a counsellor, and solutions may not be what is required. More often than not, your friend or colleague just wants somebody to talk to, somebody who listens hard, empathetically and without judgment.
How do you follow up?
Although you should not feel under any pressure to provide solutions, it can often be advisable and helpful to point them in the right direction. “Have you seen a doctor?” “Have you talked to your partner about how you are feeling?” “Have you discussed this with your boss at work?” People experiencing mental ill health don’t always take the obvious steps. And once you have helped them agree a plan of attack, it’s important you check in on them regularly. Chances are their issue won’t resolve itself overnight, so stick with them!
Holding a productive mental health conversation is not always easy, but it’s much better to have a clumsy one, where you might not say quite the right thing at the right time…. rather than not have one at all.
Mark Simmonds is a consultant, trainer and author of three books in the mental health space.
